Thursday, August 9, 2012

Motherhood Vent

I have had a few things bothering/festering me for a little while now. I'm not sure if I should let these thoughts go viral, but, I guess I've started....

I'm really having a hard time right now. I know everyone seems to have their own things and at their own times, so now seems to be mine. I'm struggling with my oldest child. He has started talking and trying to run away. He also talks back to me or is sassy in his attitude. He can be so nice to his siblings and so helpful to the family and then it's like a switch gets flipped and he's being mean and acting quite naughty.

I'm hoping that by typing this out some thoughts will come to me as to how to handle my current situation.

I thought at one point that I was doing ok as a mom, and then I have my eyes opened and I realize that I'm not really doing that good of a job.

I think I have tried to find out what's really going on, but that doesn't seem to work. I wonder if he just tells me something to placate me.... I love this child and really would like him to be able to talk to me about anything. Maybe he feels like he can't anymore, for whatever reason. I know I have a hard time trusting him because of the lies he tells. Maybe he's stopped trusting me as well?

I've wondered if the changes in the last year have something to do with it. We moved and we now have a new baby. This life sure isn't easy is it?

He is such a good helper when he wants to be. He loves holding the new baby and doing what he can to help him. He can be such a trooper with his younger siblings trying to play in the things that are a little to old for them. He can be so sweet as he comes up and just tells me that he loves me. I am so grateful for this little boy in my life, I just wish it were better more of the time and there weren't any threats of running away or not wanting to be here with me (us) anymore.

For anyone that reads this, thank you for listening to me vent and share some of the thoughts that I'm having. If you have dealt with this or have some ideas for me to try, I'm up for as well. :)


Jeri said...

Oh Becky - I am so sorry! being a mom is so tough!. you are a great mother (from everything I have ever seen or heard from you) I think you are correct as far as the source of the trouble, moving is a huge deal, and so is a new baby. two life changing events in a year - puts a lot of pressure on "the oldest."

I'm sure you are handling it well - my only suggestion/thought is to try to carve out time for just him alone - doing something HE likes. (and warning - if he is blaming YOU, he will be a total PILL when you try to spend time with him. I went through a phase with my parents - only I was much older that your sweet boy and knew better - but even when they tried to talk to me, I wanted to hold that grudge...) Maybe invite him to take a walk around the block with just you, and talk about how even though you love all the kids, it is nice to be able to spend some time with just him. If he likes playing legos, let him stay up an extra 1/2 hour after everyone else is in bed and just sit and floor and play with him. Or read out loud to JUST him, and "older/big kid book." While I think he might still fight you a little and you might feel like beating him at times - I think as soon as he feels secure again in HIS spot (in your heart especially) I think he'll go back to the sweet boy you are missing.

Hang in there - it will all be good! You are an amazing lady, you married a great man, and this too shall pass!

Dantzel said...

The first comment for this post is pretty spot-on, I think. I have also had lots of moments of struggle with my oldest. I recently realized that she works so hard at school and behaves so well there, even amidst the pressure that school mates put on her (particularly last year--one girl that sat by her often wanted help. Demanded help/answers, really, with constant asking/whining, with threats of "I'll tell" or whatever, etc., making it hard for Rachel to just focus on her own work.) Anyway, the way she acted at home was vastly different some days, and I realized (after the fact) that she has so much built up inside because she's so quiet at school that she needed a place to get it all out. That place was home. So now I'm trying hard to make sure to give her the space she needs, as well as trying to be more understanding rather than getting so upset by her attitudes and fighting. The hard days aren't every day by any means, so that's nice.

I don't know why I shared all that but there you have it. Maybe just to say that we aren't going through the exact same thing, but in a small way similar enough. If he will let you have one on one time with him (which is HARD to make that time very often, I know)--even if you can take him for an ice cream cone or send him on a treasure hunt for notes about how you love him or just do things with him that he likes to do--that seems like it has a lot of potential to do good things.

You never know with kids, though. :) So, so tricky.

Bobbidee said...

I read this a couple of days ago and have been thinking about it a bit. I think there are several things going on and I really like the other comment. First off, hang in there and just keep doing your best the Lord will bless you. Your hormones are probably playing a big role in your emotions right now too, so it may seem worse than it really is. Yes, there have been tons happening in his life and it will take time to adjust. And yes have a special date with him whenever you can, where ever you can and he will come around. And he will probably go through this phase again. Mine seem too. You are a great mother and no hard work or effort is ever wasted even if you can't see immediate results! lOve you!

Shan said...

Hang in there Becky! Hope things get better for him and you! It is hard to be a parent and hard to be a kid! Hope the best for you and your family!

Johnson Family said...

Thank you everyone for your comments and votes of support.

Things do seem to be going a little bit better, so that's good. I'm learning a little more about him, so that helps too. I keep thinking that I should have figured some of these things out long ago, but I'm guessing some of it has become part of his personality more recently.

Thank you again!

landofnyedom said...

Seems I have similar problems, but with the youngest. Hard to always know what to do. He tries to run away & can go from happy to sad in a heartbeat. Maybe it's a boy thing. ;)

Ain't no need to watch where I'm going, just need to know where I've been.